I miss this.
Dec. 31st, 2016 02:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lo_ve_21I miss this. I miss writing, I miss sharing my rants/stories in this journal.
Hi guys, I'm sorry I've been in hiatus far too long. I don't blame you if you already forgot about me or unfriended me. I'm sorry to those I befriended here that I didn't checked up on you for the past two years. I'm shookt that my last post in this LJ was June of 2014.
I just want to do some reality check and I decided to do it here in LJ. I want to reflect what happened to me for this past two years and since I've been using this account for like 5+ years it somehow showed how I grow for the past years.
First of all that I wanna reflect on to is how I grow emotionally. I'm laughing for the past me for complaining so much about a minor subject in college. The last entry I posted I was a 2nd year college, currently I'm in my 4th year as a Physical Therapist student. It's so hard, I've had experienced emotional breakdown, anxiety and panic attacks in the past. I cry myself to sleep and sometimes I don't sleep at all, I can't sleep at all. The reason behind this was when I failed almost all of my subject, as in almost all of it (5/7). I used to be the 'ace' of this family, I was the child my parents are proud showing off to other people. But when 3rd year first semester happened where I failed almost all of my subjects, the disappointment in my parents eyes are painful to look at. I'm ashamed of myself, I belittle myself and pushed myself to my limits. Somehow I was able to cope up and advance myself. I decided to take it slow, I don't overload my subjects to focus on each one of it and I asked for my friends for help. And now I'm here, one more year (since I told you before that my course is up to 5 years) and I'll be graduating! I can't wait for that to happen. You know what's more funny? it is that I think I'm already numbed, I can't feel pain anymore, nor disappointment it doesn't affect me the way it shookt me before. Whenever I fail again (even in small tasks) rather than dwell on it and cry on it and be stuck on that task, I get up fast and redeem myself! And I conclude that maybe I grow a little in terms of emotional state :)
Second I wanna reflect on is about my fandom Hey! Say! JUMP. Guys I know I said I'll be in hiatus but it doesn't apply to JUMP hahahaha, I've been updated to all of their perf/drama/ appearances, I've become so devoted to them this past 2 yrs, they're my saving grace in my downfall this past two years, they are my stress reliever my happy pill they are my everything. every night I wonder who am I if I remove JUMP to my existence? Am I still be the person I am right now if I didn't know them? What will happen to me if I forgot about them? Will there be a time where my love for them will fade? and up until now I still don't know the answer for those questions. All I know is that I'm so proud of my babies, they're grown ups now. I'm so proud of Ryosuke, he is so manly and his acting skills is 15/10 he is on fire and lit asf. I'm just so happy that he's blessed with so much drama and movie appearance this year. From Ansatsu kissing scene to Cain to Abel kissing scene real quick. I've been praying so hard for him to have a romantic movie/series and thank God for answering my prayers :D I'm so proud of him, I knew he can pull off that characters and not just the detective characters hahahahahaha anyway, next year will be their 10th anniversary ahhh time flies by so fast. next year would marked my 8th year as a fangirl. I've never been so excited in my life that I wish it would be 2017 already. I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure 2017 would be my year to shine hahahahahahahaha It would be a year full of blessings and unexpected things <3 As for my other fandoms, well all I can say is that I'm thankful that they've become part of my 2016 :D
Last thing I wanna reflect on is how much I missed writing. I miss this, ranting the things I can't say or just sharing what happened to me in the past days. I don't know why I'm not like before who will type everything without a second thought. The me right now will doubt if it is a nuisance to the others to write something this long. If they will like it or not will they dislike it? will they think i'm complaining so much or i'm so close minded or little minded for ranting for almost everything. haha i'm just being negative i guess. but yea i hope i learned my way back to writing. There are tons of plots and sypnosis in my head right now that's been dying to be shared to people. If time permits I'll finish my fic, and post another one :) if time permits.
so once again, i will end this entry with a goodbye and a note saying i'm still in hiatus mode in terms of writing fics. just wanna do some reality check and reflecting on my self. bye minna <3
Hi guys, I'm sorry I've been in hiatus far too long. I don't blame you if you already forgot about me or unfriended me. I'm sorry to those I befriended here that I didn't checked up on you for the past two years. I'm shookt that my last post in this LJ was June of 2014.
I just want to do some reality check and I decided to do it here in LJ. I want to reflect what happened to me for this past two years and since I've been using this account for like 5+ years it somehow showed how I grow for the past years.
First of all that I wanna reflect on to is how I grow emotionally. I'm laughing for the past me for complaining so much about a minor subject in college. The last entry I posted I was a 2nd year college, currently I'm in my 4th year as a Physical Therapist student. It's so hard, I've had experienced emotional breakdown, anxiety and panic attacks in the past. I cry myself to sleep and sometimes I don't sleep at all, I can't sleep at all. The reason behind this was when I failed almost all of my subject, as in almost all of it (5/7). I used to be the 'ace' of this family, I was the child my parents are proud showing off to other people. But when 3rd year first semester happened where I failed almost all of my subjects, the disappointment in my parents eyes are painful to look at. I'm ashamed of myself, I belittle myself and pushed myself to my limits. Somehow I was able to cope up and advance myself. I decided to take it slow, I don't overload my subjects to focus on each one of it and I asked for my friends for help. And now I'm here, one more year (since I told you before that my course is up to 5 years) and I'll be graduating! I can't wait for that to happen. You know what's more funny? it is that I think I'm already numbed, I can't feel pain anymore, nor disappointment it doesn't affect me the way it shookt me before. Whenever I fail again (even in small tasks) rather than dwell on it and cry on it and be stuck on that task, I get up fast and redeem myself! And I conclude that maybe I grow a little in terms of emotional state :)
Second I wanna reflect on is about my fandom Hey! Say! JUMP. Guys I know I said I'll be in hiatus but it doesn't apply to JUMP hahahaha, I've been updated to all of their perf/drama/ appearances, I've become so devoted to them this past 2 yrs, they're my saving grace in my downfall this past two years, they are my stress reliever my happy pill they are my everything. every night I wonder who am I if I remove JUMP to my existence? Am I still be the person I am right now if I didn't know them? What will happen to me if I forgot about them? Will there be a time where my love for them will fade? and up until now I still don't know the answer for those questions. All I know is that I'm so proud of my babies, they're grown ups now. I'm so proud of Ryosuke, he is so manly and his acting skills is 15/10 he is on fire and lit asf. I'm just so happy that he's blessed with so much drama and movie appearance this year. From Ansatsu kissing scene to Cain to Abel kissing scene real quick. I've been praying so hard for him to have a romantic movie/series and thank God for answering my prayers :D I'm so proud of him, I knew he can pull off that characters and not just the detective characters hahahahahaha anyway, next year will be their 10th anniversary ahhh time flies by so fast. next year would marked my 8th year as a fangirl. I've never been so excited in my life that I wish it would be 2017 already. I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure 2017 would be my year to shine hahahahahahahaha It would be a year full of blessings and unexpected things <3 As for my other fandoms, well all I can say is that I'm thankful that they've become part of my 2016 :D
Last thing I wanna reflect on is how much I missed writing. I miss this, ranting the things I can't say or just sharing what happened to me in the past days. I don't know why I'm not like before who will type everything without a second thought. The me right now will doubt if it is a nuisance to the others to write something this long. If they will like it or not will they dislike it? will they think i'm complaining so much or i'm so close minded or little minded for ranting for almost everything. haha i'm just being negative i guess. but yea i hope i learned my way back to writing. There are tons of plots and sypnosis in my head right now that's been dying to be shared to people. If time permits I'll finish my fic, and post another one :) if time permits.
so once again, i will end this entry with a goodbye and a note saying i'm still in hiatus mode in terms of writing fics. just wanna do some reality check and reflecting on my self. bye minna <3
